What Will They Write About Now That Sharkey’s Apartment is Finished??

The wait is over. After a LONG 18-months, Kevin Sharkey’s 2,500 square foot condo in the Village is finally complete, which means that he gets to be on the cover of Living.

Martha makes all of her staff wear whatever she's wearing!

The vibe in his new pad can best be described as Gay Asian Badass. You think you have it all figured out – what with the Saarinen furniture, shag rug and silk throw pillows – but then you see the huge rock and over-sized chain in the closet and you’re all like, “Whoa, don’t mess with this guy. I think he might be a badass.”*

"When I put my ties in the drawers, I knew it was real."

But mess with him we will! Anyone who designs his bed to resemble a Bento box and uses monogrammed Ping-Pong paddles is asking for it.

In keeping with the theme, Francesca, Sharkey (the bulldog, not the man of the house) and Ghenghis Khan watch a Gay Asian Badass movie.

In all honesty, he did a good job. I could live in this place (which means nothing really, but it makes me sound like less of a hater). And now, AT LONG LAST, he can do some of that beloved entertaining he’s always carrying on about.

Indeed, the housewarming looked fun, with its stacked Oreo cake for dessert and Chanel lipstick for Ping-Pong score keeping. But if you look very, very closely, past the balloons and the caviar and Alexis Stewart’s perfect complexion, you can almost make out a collective unease among the guests, a growing pall, a slight sense of foreboding.

Don’t get them wrong: they are damn happy that this project is finally finished and that the bathtub is full of champagne purchased on Martha’s dime, but they also are kinda wondering, “What on earth is this guy going to do now? And what’s up with the giant chain in the closet?”

Odds are they also are lamenting Sharkey’s bad fortune: After all of his hard work and sacrifice, his cover shot comes out the same week that Rolling Stone decides to go for broke. Oh the humanity!

Martha and Sharkey are tight (she named one her dogs after him, for god's sake), but maybe not this tight.

No seriously, CHECK OUT THAT HUMANITY.

*Lord only knows how he got those past Alexis Stewart.
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3 comments

  1. Susan · August 27, 2010

    I can’t stop saying “Good LORD!” quietly as I stare at that Rolling Stone cover. I’m not sure what I feel about it, but I feel it strongly.

  2. Anne · September 1, 2010

    I’m just thankful Kevin didn’t have another relapse with his “urges” to bring uptown downtown or Alexis might have him in rehab!

  3. marthaandme · September 12, 2010

    Ha-ha-ha! I have to say I was getting quite tired of seeing how Sharkey was either getting a tax write off for his apartment or having Martha foot the bill (so she could write it off) each month. It was really irking me. Why won’t someone remodel my house for free? Geesh. I would even go a step further and hang my clothes from a damn chain in the closet if they wanted. And I agree – the party looked a bit odd. Scary uncomfortable. As if Martha was going to be really ticked if they did not look happy dammit.

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