Hue and Cry: The May Issue Strikes Again

Thank you in advance for allowing us one more jab at the stupid May “Find Your Hue” issue before putting it to rest at the bottom of the litter box

Decorating Executive Editorial Director* Kevin Sharkey lets “his sweet tooth guide his flower arranging” by selecting flowers that are the same colors as…wait for it… his favorite candies!

“Hard candies — especially lemon drops, Peach Blossoms, and cherry rock crystals — are my weakness. So it was natural for me to apply their enticing colors to one of my other favorite things: flowers.”

Raise your hand if you even know what a Peach Blossom is. And rock crystals? Are those the sticky, spikey things that we used to get at Colonial Williamsburg? I thought they only came in the color of Old Ginger.

Evidently, Granny Glittens over there hasn’t really looked at flowers lately, because if he had he would have noticed that they come in colors CREATED BY NATURE and therefore don’t need to be inspired by candy. If anything, candy should be inspired by flowers! And what about those of us who only like Andes Mints, or who don’t eat candy because we’re off sugar or because we are over the age of 12??

What he’s getting at here is the one-color,  similar hue arrangement, which I wholeheartedly support. But my color choice depends on, well, nothing really. I never find myself saying, “Those yellow Gerber daisies are simply hideous!” Or, “Man those ruby red roses remind me of darker times.” They are flowers! And we are lucky to have them in our midst.**

Go to the grocery or flower store, select flowers of similar hue, bring them home, put in a vase. If you are standing in front of a slew of cut flowers and need to reference the candy aisle in order to pick a color, you have bigger problems than I can solve here.

Here is one I made for Mother’s Day from a yellow bunch of something or others from Kroger and some greens cut from my garden*** (oh and a cool bird that Susan gave me). (This arrangement, as well as Sharkey’s above most likely, required a bit of oasis, which is that green foamy stuff that you soak in water and stick the flowers into. The twirly stick stuff is just, well, I can’t explain it.)

And feathers too! Always have some feathers handy is my motto.

Look. The Shark is an alright guy, even if he does think that “sherbet” is a color. I get that they needed some flower/hue angle that goes beyond Flowers Are Pretty and Colorful. But it’s the over-thinking of these things that overwhelm and turn off people who really would like to arrange some friggin’ flowers but have no idea what cherry rock candy is and don’t really care. (Plus, flower arranging should be done slowly and while in a good mood. Just try arranging flowers while in a hurry or pissed off.) My theory is that people will naturally gravitate toward flowers in “the shades of their passions” and most of us don’t have the time or money to wait around for Icelandic poppies to be in season.

The useful takeaways here are a.) do not mix too many colors at once (a good general rule in any case) b.)  get some oasis c.) I mispronounce “sherbet” regularly, and I don’t care.

*You’re thinking it. I’ll say it. That’s just about the gayest title in the land

**Although, I am particularly fond of the beautiful blue and purple hydrangeas that go nuts in Richmond this time of year and am incredibly jealous of anyone who has them in their yard.

***Anyone who buys greens is just not thinking straight. Come over to my house. I have more greens than I can shake a stick at! (but call first)

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One comment

  1. Denny · June 10, 2010

    Admit it Bruno, you’re just jealous that you don’t have a job with the title Decorating Executive Editorial Director. I sure as hell am.

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